I miss my old skin

I'm like an open book

but you tore me apart page by page

and now all I have left is a lot of blood to bleed

this man is changing the world...one organ at a time

Very Tired

Busy Day Ahead Of Me

not fucking cool

I'm trying to understand how I can be in a room full of people and still feel alone. That sounds a tad dramatic but how else can one describe the feeling of loneliness without coming off as an emo kid one schick razor away from suicide. I'm still trying to come up with a reason why most of this is all worth it, the thoughts in my brain that is (not life itself, I'm not that emo). A good friend of mine tells me "all you ever do is worry" and I feel I do so because no one else really ever does. If I didn't worry about all the things that I do nothing would ever get done. I feel like the glue to everything sometimes, except for the fact that I'm not very good at keeping things together. Most might have the wrong impression of me. I think I come off a lot nicer and a lot more reliable than I actually am. I think I have these ideas of grandeur when it comes to my life and how quickly it will change. I feel like a hypocrite. Dishing out advice but not often taking it.

So my week long ice cream shop job extravaganza has come to an end. The owner decided it would be a good idea to abuse me like a husband does to a wife he no longer cares for. He pretty much screamed and cursed at me until the point where I almost puked all over him. Ice cream is great and all but as Christopher J. says "ice cream is serious business......NOT"

I decided to start up my live journal again. A new friend of mine asked me if I had one (Jen) and I replied sadly "I used to". I remembered how much I enjoyed doing this so why the hell not. I read some of my older entries and can't believe what a totally different place I am in now and it's only been a year or two. I just want to make something very clear......I HATE SLUTS. Don't care for them very much (large vaginas). When I have more to write about I am sure I will blow your minds

It's 9am and I should be sleeping.

I need my own little box back.

I'm so lost right now.

I wish something could clarify all this

for every tear you have shed,

i have shed four.


I procrastinate life

the human capacity amazes me

It has been a really long time since i posted an entry, However I suddenly feel compelled to since the quality of my life at home and just in general...well sucks.  I'm just so tired of everything going wrong.  In my life I have always felt like the victim and I just don't want to feel that way anymore


Stigmata as I walk through the door

I should wretch at the thought of spending an hour or more

If jumping out of my skin were the answer

I would find a way to cut it loose

I live my life by a sad standard

one looked down upon

shamed upon

what have idol judgments brought me

but loss of self

where is my will?

gone with the self

as both go hang in hand

where was the wrong turn

I have splintered myself

with stiff assumptions

and my blind faith in humans

I am ill

I don't belong in this place

work is almost done...suck it

is weird.

Everyone is mad at me, which isnt surprising or out of the ordinary.

Im a bad friend/person

I havent been to work in almost a week and though of going back with a 10 hour shift...is horrifying

i havent slept in my own bed since thursday i think.

you know what i don't even like you

i wish my head didnt feel like is was going to explode while im doing my FAFSA

I have work at 8am

ps I am completely mis

I'm not quite sure what to think anymore.

Im awake...how nice

woken up

Im needed again

what lousey poetry

I wish I didn't have to leave...........Im going to build a little cabin in my backyard and call it my own

leave it be

your dreams bring your scariest fears to life. Thank god it gives us a better plan.

take apart every last bit,
internalize your deepest wishes
take it in stride
take it in stride
be proud, be sacred
be self-sufficent
be cumbersome
be adoring.
Take every last piece apart.
Take a sigh
realize you're full
and hold it in
Don't let it get to you.

so when a vegetarian accidently eats a bit of meat...they become ill for many days. Always check your grilled cheese before you eat it people. Im really fed up. I'm very tired and its hard to focus on much else. The prospects get louder and more appealing everyday.

How to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonmen
tHow to defer to men in solve-able predicaments
How to control someone to be a carbon copy of you
How to have that not work and have them run away from you
How to keep people at arm's length and never get too close
How to mistrust the ones you supposedly love the most
How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone
How to feel worthless unless you're serving or helping someone

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in eight easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist
How to play all pious when you're really a hypocrite
How to hate god when you're a pray-er and a spiritualis
tHow to sabotage your fantasies by fears of success

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in eight easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

I've been doing research for years
I've been practicing my ass off
I've been training my whole life for this moment I swear to you
Culminating just to be this well-versed leader before you

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forge
tI'll show you how to in eight easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the bes

tHow to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else
How to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself
How to numb a la holic to avoid going within
How to stay stuck in blue by blaming them for everything

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in eight easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

has anyone ever heard the expression "leaving dead ex-girlfiends lying around".... if so does anyone else find this a tad painful???